Staff

The Residents of Johnson Manor

Every great manor needs an interesting collection of residents. Ours just happens to come with a little more laughter, a little more chaos, and considerably more chocolate. There are also many friends of the manor.

👴 Grandad Andy

Chief Crisp Consumption Officer

Guardian of the snack cupboard and firm believer that every flavour is the best flavour. If a packet of crisps goes missing, the investigation usually starts (and ends) here. His life's mission is to ensure no crisp is ever left behind.

🧶 Nannan Teresa

Supreme Crochet Master

Capable of turning a ball of wool into a beautiful blanket before you've finished your cup of tea. If someone mentions they're a little chilly, she's already halfway through crocheting them something cosy.

🤖 Dad Chris

Official Spider Catcher, Family Taxi Driver, Transformer Curator & Light Switch Turner-Offer

Dad Chris is the dependable heart of Johnson Manor. If there's a spider to relocate, a shelf to fix, someone who needs a lift, or a mysterious noise that "needs Dad to have a look," he's already on the case.

By day, he's the Manor's official taxi service, emergency repair department, and the person everyone calls when something needs sorting.

By night... he's usually admiring his ever-growing collection of Transformers. Whether they're Autobots or Decepticons, every new addition is treated like a treasured museum piece (although we're fairly certain he'd still transform them if nobody was watching).

His other great passions include cheeseburgers—preferably in quantities that doctors would describe as "ambitious"—and Black Forest gâteau, which has an average life expectancy of approximately five minutes once Chris discovers it's in the fridge.

Despite all this, he's wonderfully patient, endlessly reliable, and always there when his family needs him. Johnson Manor simply wouldn't run without him... although the fridge might stay stocked for a little longer.

Find me at:

SoundCloud

🌸 Mum Gemma

Chief Whimsy Officer & Keeper of the Manor's Magic

The heart of Johnson Manor, making sure everyone feels loved, welcomed and occasionally fed. Always dreaming up new adventures, adding a little sprinkle of magic to ordinary days, and proving that life is much more fun when you embrace a little silliness.

Whether it's creating memories, encouraging laughter, caring for family (both two-legged and four-legged), or turning simple moments into lasting traditions, Gemma keeps the spirit of Johnson Manor alive. If something wonderfully unexpected is happening, there's a good chance it started as one of her ideas.

Find me at:

💻 Uncle Adam

Senior Architect of Technical Things

Johnson Manor's resident engineering genius. An introverted, self-taught creator who quietly builds impressive technical marvels while everyone else wonders how he did it.

Sightings are rare, but when supplies of chocolate run low, "Fearless" can occasionally be observed emerging from his workshop to assist the family's ongoing Chocolate Hoarding Operation.

Find me at:

🎨 Evie

Chief Creative Officer

Never far from a pencil, paintbrush or sketchbook. If something needs decorating, designing or making colourful, Evie is already full of ideas.

Find me at:

SoundCloud

🤪 Mia

Chaos Coordinator & Head of Comedy

Brings laughter wherever she goes and firmly believes that every day is improved with at least one joke. A whirlwind of energy whose plans usually begin with, "I've got an idea..."

💃 Samuel

Chief Dance Officer

Powered almost entirely by dancing, cuddles and enthusiasm. Proud collector of teddy bears, expert smile distributor, and all-round brilliant little human who can brighten even the gloomiest day.

🐾 The Animal Kingdom

No manor would be complete without its resident creatures, and Johnson Manor has assembled quite an impressive collection.

Between them, they provide security, entertainment, noise, cuddles, chaos, and an impressive amount of fur.

🐶 Dave

Head of Security & Chief Welcome Officer

Dave takes his responsibilities very seriously.

His primary duties include monitoring suspicious noises, inspecting every visitor who enters the Manor, supervising family activities, and ensuring that nobody eats anything without him being informed.

He is also highly skilled in the ancient art of looking completely innocent while absolutely knowing what he's done.

Dave is convinced that every member of the family exists primarily to provide him with attention, snacks, and walks.

Find me at:

E-Mail

🐱 Taz

Senior Mischief Consultant

Taz specialises in appearing exactly where they're not supposed to be.

Doors? Must be opened.

Cupboards? Must be investigated.

Anything left unattended? Obviously a personal invitation.

Nobody quite knows what Taz gets up to during the night, but the evidence suggests that the Manor is significantly less peaceful while everyone is asleep.

Find me at:

E-Mail

🐱 Gizmo

Director of Household Operations

Gizmo has perfected the art of supervising everyone else while contributing absolutely nothing to the actual work.

From carefully selected sleeping positions to strategically timed appearances when food is involved, Gizmo has mastered the lifestyle of a cat who knows they're in charge.

The humans may believe they own the house.

Gizmo knows better.

Find me at:

E-Mail

🐱 Zuma

Chief Cuddle Officer & Professional Cat

Zuma's responsibilities are somewhat fluid, but generally involve looking adorable, demanding attention at precisely the wrong moment, and reminding everyone that cats are never actually asleep—they are merely temporarily unavailable.

Zuma also reserves the right to completely ignore everyone whenever affection is offered.

Find me at:

E-Mail

🦜 Kermit

Chief Communications Officer

Kermit the cockatiel is Johnson Manor's resident broadcaster.

No announcement is too important, no conversation too private, and no moment too quiet to warrant a contribution from Kermit.

Whether he's singing, chirping, shouting or simply making sure everyone knows he's still there, Kermit ensures that silence is never allowed to become a permanent feature of the Manor.

Find me at:

E-Mail

🐮 The Future Residents?

Despite already having a dog, three cats and a highly vocal bird, the Johnson Manor family remains strangely convinced that there is always room for one more pet. Current discussions have included the completely sensible and entirely realistic possibility of adding a Highland cow to the family.

Nobody has yet worked out where the Highland cow would sleep. Nobody has worked out who would clean up after it. Nobody has worked out whether Dave would approve.

But these are merely minor administrative details.

The important question is:

Would a Highland cow look magnificent standing in the garden?

The answer is obviously yes.

So watch this space...

The Johnson Manor Animal Kingdom may not be finished expanding yet. 🐮🏡

🏆 The Official Animal Kingdom Rule

The humans may pay the bills, buy the food and technically be responsible for the house...

…but the animals are fairly certain they are the ones in charge.

And honestly, nobody here is brave enough to tell them otherwise.

You can also e-mail everyone at the Johnson Manor if you want to troll them, spam them, or otherwise get on their nerves.

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