Caution: Spoilers!
John - Seems to be permanently under the influence, I like John. He can keep his punch zoo though, leave the cute little animals alone. Id rather have a people punch zoo instead.
Dave - This chapter was wrote from his point of view. He is a collector of random weird objects that people send to him. Question - Why the fuck is he warming up his month old coffee with the random sphere? Who knows what freaky shit he could be injesting by doing that. Even if it is a quick fix and saves time making a fresh one.
Amy - Dont know much about her yet except shes Daves girlfriend, she threw the little metal container that the cloaked people, aka Mr Biggles wanted into the river. Shes currently waving at you with her only hand. Please don't do a double wave back she might be offended!
Lets add Mrs. Doubtfire to movie nights, because everyone loves watching a cross dresser. Childhood movies are the best.
This is also second time we have chatted about a Toblerone 😜 this huge electrified one can be yours. I'll keep the other one, thanks.
The lead cloak man is described as having a spidery voice, Mr Biggles is a shape shifter all of a sudden. Also I no longer need my flamethrower as the melted chocolate did the trick.
Dave lives above a sex shop, of course he does. That explains the constant neon lights outside.
"How many bites do you have to take out of a shit sandwich before you figure out it's shit?" This might just be the greatest sentence I've read today. 🤪
Actually scrap that, this one's good too " You're the guy? You look like a bag of smashed asshole." Hey Adam you look like a bag of.....................don't worry I'm not that mean. Not to you anyway.😉
Sometimes weirdness occurs and everybody is perfectly fine afterwards. <<< This is us.🤍
Even the actual cops know to keep outta 'They' way. The Mr Biggles cloaky people. Wouldn't want to live in this town, or would I. But why John and Dave? Thats the bit we still need to figure out.
So the strange vanishing Mister Nymph man is a child abductor who somehow has brainwashed little Maggie into believing he is her dad. Drugging her? The woman's voice in the background of the call was her mum. Real mum or child abductor shape shifter mum too?
The earth is run my assholes!
So Dave and John had some happy berries to be able to see all the freaky shit that is going on in plain sight that other people pay no attention too.
Fucking Facebook, I wonder if they get stuck in the hole of random videos for hours too.
So John, Dave and Ted are armed with some big boy toys and ready to enter the 'gates of Hell' with a power ballad blaring out. Kinda reminds me of our flame throwing spider killing plan. Great minds think alike.
It is odd that they can just skate around topics like hell, the bible, religions.
Why is Mr Frostee moving?
We are reading about a child abduction, so a serious topic then the text can quickly change to a lighter subject like nude photos on a phone and John having to attend court for public nudity.
It reading this book with a constant 'What the Hell attitude' The title of this book is very fitting.
The password is great. 🐵
Taco Bills 🤪 I dont drink or smoke but still wanna go for a good time.
The drawings Maggies did, she knew subconsciously that something was going to happen.
Im resisting Googling 'Joy Park' to find out if she really is a Korean porn star. I dont fancy my screen being full of titties so I will leave that research to you. Some men like titties so I'm only doing you a favour. Enjoy. ☺️
I like Amy.
Well I wasn't expecting Loretta and John, she obviously tickled his pickle. But also John likes to make shit up so that whole scene probably didn’t happen the way John makes out.
Amy tried out a robot hand, those pesky mechanical beings keep popping up everywhere.
Shes a programmer but her job no longer involves coding. 'Most of the people Amy worked with were cool, which is one of the biggest factors in determining your quality of life, if you think about it' <<< 🤯
David in the flat making waffles and fixing the leaking roof. Thats not Dave, its one of the cloaky people. Amy is only seeing what they want her to see. Another one bites the dust, she's been kidnapped.
Again, what am I reading, creepy guy is now wearing little girl knickers and a massive erection. I think I need to wash my mind out with some hot soapy water. 🧼
Is Maggie really dead? Maybe not.
Now Ted.
Now John.
Dave.
This all just made me sad.
Oh that's better already!
Somehow I wasn’t surprised at all about the flying fingers of a creepy not dead man thing. Not one bit.
Way to go John, using Nymph own booty to beat himself with. Nymph probably enjoyed that kinda playtime. '"Don’t make me ass you again!"
I had a feeling Maggie wasnt really dead.
Jason Pargin doesn't ease you into this book—he grabs you by the shirt, throws you through a window, and then expects you to carry on reading as though any of what just happened was normal. Somehow... it works.
The story is told through Dave's point of view to begin with, and he's exactly the kind of protagonist who seems strangely qualified for complete nonsense. He collects bizarre objects sent by strangers and, rather than questioning whether using an unexplained metal sphere to heat up month-old coffee is a terrible idea, he simply gets on with it. I spent more time worrying about what alien horror he was about to ingest than Dave did.
John continues to be one of the highlights of the book. He permanently feels like he's operating several steps away from reality, but somehow still manages to be one of the most entertaining characters. I still don't approve of his imaginary "punch zoo"—leave the poor animals alone. A people punch zoo sounds much fairer.
Amy doesn't get a huge amount of page time at first, but she's immediately likeable. After throwing the mysterious metal container into the river, she's left waving with her one hand—a detail that somehow manages to be both sad and funny. As the story progresses, she quickly became one of the characters I found myself rooting for the most.
One thing I've loved so far is Pargin's humour. The dialogue constantly caught me off guard. Lines like, "How many bites do you have to take out of a shit sandwich before you figure out it's shit?" and "You look like a bag of smashed asshole" genuinely made me laugh out loud. The book somehow balances absurd comedy with genuinely creepy moments, often switching between the two in the space of a paragraph.
And then... there are the moments that make you put the book down and ask yourself if you actually read what you just read. One chapter has me happily following the mystery, and the next there's a creepy shape-shifting lunatic wearing a little girl's knickers while sporting a massive erection. I actually wrote in my notes, "I think I need to wash my mind out with some hot soapy water." It's disturbing, uncomfortable, completely unexpected, and somehow exactly the sort of bizarre left turn this series seems to delight in taking.
That constant tonal whiplash is probably the best way to describe the novel. One minute we're dealing with a disturbing child abduction, shape-shifting horrors and impossible creatures, and the next we're talking about Facebook rabbit holes, public nudity, giant Toblerones, or someone being compared to "a bag of smashed asshole." Normally that shouldn't work—but somehow it does.
The mystery itself is slowly pulling me in. Who exactly are the cloaked figures? Why are Dave and John caught up in all this? Is Maggie really seeing her father, or something pretending to be him? Every chapter seems to answer one question while creating five more.
There are also moments that genuinely surprised me emotionally. Chapter 6, in particular, hit much harder than I expected after all the chaos and comedy that came before. Then Chapter 7 immediately reminded me why I enjoying this book so much, with flying fingers, John weaponising a villain's own backside against him, and enough ridiculous one-liners to erase the emotional damage from the previous chapter.
If I had to sum up my experience so far, it would simply be: "What the hell am I reading?"—which is probably the biggest compliment I can give a book with that title. It's weird, hilarious, creepy, unpredictable, occasionally disgusting, and somehow impossible to put down. I never know whether the next page is going to make me laugh, wince, or question my own sanity... and that's exactly why I keep turning the pages.